Monkey See, Monkey Do

People always say life is like a train. You never know where it leads, when it stops, and who rides it with you. I’m okay with the unpredictability of it all. But lately, it feels like the train I’m on has no tracks. In fact it probably never had any tracks. I kinda assumed they were always there because it just makes sense. Maybe my train derailed a long time ago and I now noticed that it has nothing to stand on. Nothing that can keep it going.

These past few months, I have never felt more challenged and disillusioned by everything. All my heroes turned out to be horrible people. Whatever I read in the news just feels so black and white. Every relationship I have becomes transactional, but no one gets anything at the end. There’s just so much noise, so much bullshit we’re all trying to wade through but most of the time it feels impossible. Nothing feels real anymore, and that’s funny because I’m supposedly in the “real world” now. What even is real? Even worse, how can I find anything real in all the noise?

Maybe I’m having a quarter-life crisis already. An identity crisis? Trying to put a name to it is worse than dealing with it. Anyways I’m probably going to look back on this five years from now and laugh at how dumb I was. That’s the dream.