Rating Indian Biscuits

Parle-G

5/10

A classic, an icon, and a legend. Also, I barely remember how you taste. But, I do remember that you cost a dollar for eight packs at my nearest Indian grocery store. 

Bourbon 

10/10

I thought you were chocolate biscuits my whole life because you are brown, but then one day I actually tasted you and I realized it was just sugar. I still like you despite the false advertising and my own stupidity.  

Hide N Seek

One, two, six-seven-eight/10

You are the biscuit for adults who behave like children. Maybe it’s the name, maybe it’s the coffee flavored biscuit.

Orange 

7/10

I’d only eat you if there was nothing else to eat. You kinda suck but the sugar content makes up for it. 

Jack Krack

3/10

I feel like you’re trying to taste like everything, but it just doesn’t work. Please decide on one thing you want to be. 

Marigold

1/10

Get these nasty geriatric biscuits out of my face. 

Dark Reality

2/10

You will never be what Bourbon is and will always be.

50 50

6/10

You look like a saltine but taste like a mild Biscoff cookie.

Bad Day

4/10

The Almond Joys of Indian biscuits. That’s not a compliment. 

Maggi

9/10

I know you aren’t a biscuit but that’s irrelevant. I love your plasticky greatness; it reminds of the great times I’m living in. I’m docking one point cause apparently you aren’t even Indian.